Dogging fate

I kinda figured by then that I wasn't going to grow up to be a normal heterosexual male.

I saw Bully Graym on tv and decided to become a Christian reborn.
I was hoping God would give me the strength and guidance to put the pantie thing behind me...
Why was this a problem in my life, I had no reason to be like this... No one raped or molested me when I was a baby...

Guilt filled me up every time I wore panties and came in them.
The truth was undeniable, but I was going to fight it, I was going to play rugby and wear jock straps....
But alas... I had a knack for music, the closest I came to rugby was first year in high school, but I couldn't attend the fist game since I had a orchestra performance the same day... I was lead trumpeter. The closest I came to wearing jock straps were... well I never have up until today.

I met a pretty blond girl at school and we started dating.
Our first kiss was a disappointment, but we agreed to practice and learn how to kiss together.
Afternoons were spent in her room kissing and feeling each other off.
Things got pretty steamy and just after I turned 14 she asked me to have sex with her.

I was shocked!! I was a Christian and sex before marriage was out... besides I was to young to have a baby, if that happened, so I declined her... we dated for some time still, but I wanted to move on, besides my mother didn't like her.

I got home the afternoon after we broke up and once again alone, I ventured into the main bedroom's bath room. My mother was preparing my lunch and doing the parenting thing for my sister... She tend to sweat a lot so there in the wash basket was a bra, just about my size, laced with sweat and the sweet scent of a woman...
How could I resist!?

I put it on gently and fastened the clips behind my back and as I puled the straps over my shoulders and lowered my arms... I was filled by elation as the material under my arms felt cool and the scent of a woman over whelmed my senses...
I just stood there for about a minute before snapping out of a a trance I often denied my self...

I touched my erect member and closed my eyes...
I heard voices upstairs and decided not to continue....
besides, I will get another chance.

It was a constant war in my head now and I was loosing.
I couldn't control my urges and to make matters worse I started to take a fancy in being tied up.
I watched a movie about vietnam and saw a man spread eagle on the ground left by the enemy...
I got such a hard erection and asked my dad why the man was in the air. He toled me they tied him with wet leather and as the leather dried it shrunk pulling him into the air...

hehehe I was so infatuated with the idea of being tied to the ground and being used, I went to my grandparents house the next day after school and cut four strips of leather just in case...
I tied myself on numerous occasions and I guess you can say things went from bad to worse...

I went to another school halfway through gr11 and had to face a new environment and make new friends. I new the Matric dance was coming up and I needed a girl... you know to loose my virginity with cause if I missed this one there was no telling how mommy and daddy's little genius was going to turn out...

I asked a girl to go with me in the science class and she said yes! I was ecstatic.
We bumped into each other the next day and she invited to come see her over the weekend...
We ended up drinking two bottles of whine and kissing on the first date hehehe I was doing fine now, except she gave me a letter Monday asking me to be her friend not her boyfriend...

I was hurt, but I decided not to be a chicken and run away... besides I had three months till the dance, plenty of time to soften her up... I always seemed to understand woman better... knew how there underwear felt under there dresses...

We ended up enjoying the dance and started dating again straight after wards.
The the big night came... I had condoms lined up in my dad's bedside drawer.
I was so tens and when she took her shirt off, I nearly came in my pants... seeing her full breast bulging her bra to the max... I could only wish to have breast like that.
I tried telling myself they were mine for the night.

After my first rather disappointing sexual experience while loosing my virginity I toled myself it would get better, and it did. We had lots of fun and I stopped jerking off so much although I couldn't seem to cum with the condom on.
The last time we did it was on the beach during our Matric holiday and that time I did cum.
Some how letting go of everything and just listening to the waves crashing behind me I was set free...

We said our good byes and we cried in each others arms for what seemed like an eternity.
After that I had to go stay with my parents again. As I was alone for three months, basically making my own rules, this was a step backward for me.
Every one else slept upstairs in the foreign house while I had a semi outside room.
Needles to say I actually dreaded venturing into my sister's room and falling back into my old habits... I was a man now, but I lost the only woman I loved.